Going after your dreams and doing life differently takes a lot of courage, determination, and self-belief. But how do you believe in yourself when it feels like nobody else does?
That’s a great question!
Every time I’ve made a massive change in my life, no one else really understood why it was important to me until they saw the results of the changes. There were many times when I doubted whether I was doing the right thing, because of course I desperately wanted everyone else’s approval.
However, I would not have experienced or created half of the good things in my life had I waited for everyone else to believe in me before pursuing my dreams.
A lot of people who seem super confident and effortlessly successful on the outside didn’t start out that way. They had to learn to believe in themselves first. That’s how it happened for me, too.
Here, I’m sharing how I learned to believe in myself before anyone else did! Take some notes and pin this one for later if you need to.
How to believe in yourself, when it feels like nobody else does:
Make it about you, not other people.
I know this is easier said than done, but if you’re spending all of your energy trying to prove yourself and your worth to other people you’ll end up burning yourself out or worse, feeling like you’ll never be good enough.
Here’s the deal: Believing in yourself starts with you. It starts by putting on your blinders and focusing on what makes you happy instead of what makes everyone else happy. This may feel selfish, but it’s not.
Take the pressure off and just do what you feel called to do, even if nobody else gets it. Try not to worry about what everyone else thinks, because truly their opinions are based off of their own limited beliefs of what’s possible!
Don’t take it personally if the people who care about you the most are the ones pooh poohing your dreams. They probably think they are protecting you from getting hurt, but really they are just holding you back with their own fears.
Identify your “big why.”
Whatever big dream you’re pursuing, there’s probably a “big why” motivating you to take action. You may not be able to fully articulate what that why is yet, but it’s there.
Ask yourself, “what drives me to keep going even when I’d rather give up?” “what means the world to me?” “what is worth taking a risk for?”
The answer to these questions is your “big why.” One of my favorite quotes, written by Friedrich Nietzsche is “he who has a why to live can bear almost any how.” Isn’t that so true? When you can connect to a meaning bigger than your fear and self-doubt, you become unstoppable and pretty much undefeatable.
The more you connect to your big why, the more you’ll stay on track towards creating the life you really want to be living. Other people’s opinions be damned!
Reflect on your previous wins.
Even if you don’t feel particularly successful yet, I’m willing to bet you’ve already accomplished so much in your life. The fact that you’re here reading this post means you’ve made it through all that life has thrown at you, and that makes you pretty successful in my book.
Get out a pen and paper or start a new word document and write down every past win you can think of, then add to it the difficult times you’ve overcome in life. Once you’re done, take some time to celebrate yourself for how far you’ve already come. In many ways, you’re already a success!
Celebrate daily wins and progress made.
Let’s keep this celebration train rolling, shall we? Celebration should be a daily thing, not a once in a blue moon thing. Keep the faith and overcome self-doubt by constantly focusing on what you have accomplished rather than on what you haven’t.
This one practice alone will change your life and keep you motivated. Don’t wait until the end to celebrate, because let’s be real even then you’d probably start thinking about the next thing you want to do. That’s just human nature!
Daily celebration is an act of self-love that will keep you going no matter what life throws at you. Plus, it costs $0.00!
Make new, like-minded friends who “get it.”
I’ll be honest. I don’t think I’d have stayed in business for myself very long had I not connected with other like-minded souls on my journey. One of the weird truths about going after your big dreams is that often it’s the people you only know from online and social media who support you the most. They are the ones who truly have your back, because they are your people!
They get what it’s like to have a big dream, and to want more out of life than the status quo. Like-minded friends will also understand the struggle of forging a new path when everyone around you thinks you’ve gone coo-coo for Cocoa Puffs.
You may be thinking, that’s great Britny, but where do I find these friends?
- Facebook communities
- Meetup groups
- Paid group programs/courses
- Instagram (use hashtags to find and connect with others with similar interests)
- Toastmasters or other local personal development groups
- Truly just stay open and get out of your comfort zone a bit. Your people are out there, I promise.
Hire a coach or join a group program to support you.
Most of my tips cost $0, but sometimes investing in support is really what you need. If you’re someone who thrives on accountability and structure, don’t be afraid to take the leap and learn from someone who’s already a few steps ahead of where you are now.
One of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever gotten was this: “don’t get advice from people who haven’t done what you want to do.” It sounds like common sense, but in the beginning I was totally barking up the wrong tree asking the wrong people (ahem friends and family) for advice on how I should approach my business and big dreams.
When I signed up for my first group course, it changed my life. I started taking crazy action, just because I 1) knew what to do and 2) felt accountable and supported.
That being said – invest wisely and don’t go wild signing up for every course you find. Go deep rather than wide when learning something new, and don’t let fear of missing out cloud your decision-making.
P.S. I host an accountability group on Facebook called The Inspired Action Sprint where we do 30 day sprints towards our goals each month. Every single day I post my own intentions and create a thread for members to do the same. Then, at the end of the day I create a thread for celebrating your wins and progress. It’s a special group, and it’s only a one-time fee of $77 to join. If you’d like to learn more you can email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Create new beliefs about yourself.
It’s never too late to create a new belief system that serves you rather than holds you back. Think of your subconscious mind as a computer that needs to be updated now and again. Computers get super slow and glitchy when they don’t get updated for a long time, right? If you’re running on old software and programming that isn’t built for where you want to go, it’s no wonder you’re having a hard time believing in yourself!
To create new beliefs, start with identifying the current beliefs that aren’t working for you. For example,
- I never follow through.
- I’m not a good _______. (writer, speaker, etc.)
- I can’t ________.
- I don’t deserve __________.
- Who am I to ________?
- _________ is who I am.
You can also break your beliefs down into themes and free write what comes up around Money, Love, Success, Happiness, Health, Relationships, Sex, etc.
Next, you’ll “flip the script” on the top 5 beliefs you’d like to work on. All you have to do is turn the negative believe into a positive, empowering one. Start by writing why the belief isn’t actually true for you.
“I’m not a good writer.”
Why it’s not true: “I may not be a perfect writer, but who is? I always enjoy writing, and people seem to enjoy what I share on social media. When I was in school, my English teacher even submitted one of my essays to a competition.”
New, empowering belief: “Every day in every way, I become a better writer. I’m a good writer, because I write.”
Every time you catch yourself repeating the old belief, even in your own mind, remind yourself of the new belief. It also helps to put sticky notes with the new belief written on it somewhere you can see it often.
Learn more about your passion(s) and expand on your skill sets.
An expert is just someone who decided to learn all they could about a topic. People who believe in themselves are committed to growing and expanding their passions and interests. Plus, the more you know about something and the more experience you have in it, the more confident you’ll feel.
How to expand your skills on the cheap:
Surround yourself with cues that inspire and motivate you.
There are loads of things you can do to feel supported even when it feels like nobody else believes in you. You can’t change other people, but you can create an uplifting and inspiring environment for yourself.
When creating new beliefs, you want to be feeding your subconscious mind with the new information every chance you get. Here are some ways you can do that:
- Make and hang up a vision board (include pictures and words that inspire you and remind you of your big dreams)
- Put sticky notes with your new beliefs anywhere you’ll see them daily (bathroom mirror, computer, workspace, car, journal, planner, refrigerator door, etc.)
- Change your phone background and lock screen to something that inspires you. I have some free ones you can download in my Self Love and Mindset Resource Library (subscribe below to get access).
- Change your passwords to words and numbers that inspire you and remind you of your goals.
- Print out and hang up motivational quotes.
- Sky is the limit here! Get creative 🙂
Free Printable: Goal Setting Workbook & Daily Inspired Action Map
Start a daily mindset practice.
When you’re struggling to believe in yourself, a mindset practice is a must. Hell, even if you’re not struggling to believe in yourself a mindset practice is a must. When you consistently work on your mindset and focus on your big dreams and goals, it changes your entire life from the inside out.
Repeat after me:
Big changes happen for me on the outside, when I focus on feeling good about myself on the inside.
A daily mindset practice can be simple and still make a huge difference. My own practice only takes me about 5-7 minutes to do. If it took any longer than that, I’d make up excuses and it wouldn’t happen.
The most important thing is that your mindset practice works for you. Here are some ideas on what you could include if you’re feeling stuck:
- daily gratitudes
- ask, “how do I want to feel today?”
- write down your “big why”
- write down your monthly goals
- write down your weekly goals
- write down your daily intentions
- visualize your dream day as if it’s already happening
- look at your vision board
- read a few pages of an inspiring book
- dance to a song that makes you feel good
- listen to an inspiring podcast
- watch a motivational YouTube video
- write down your daily wins
- pull an Oracle card for the day
- meditate or clear your mind for a few minutes
- do a body scan
- take some deep breaths
- do yoga
- and so much more. Again sky is the limit!
I know I just threw a lot of information and tips at you, but I hope rather than feeling overwhelmed you feel empowered to start taking steps towards your dream life today rather than someday.
Building self-belief is not a one and done thing so be gentle with yourself. Take it one day at a time, and remember that all the small stuff you do adds up! In a year from now, if you apply the information in this post, you could have a completely different life! Isn’t that exciting?