Is self love selfish? It’s one of the top questions people ask about self love on Google. That kinda makes me sad, because self love is actually the exact opposite of selfish! If more people loved themselves, the world would be a much better place.
Maybe you need more convincing, and I don’t blame you. Almost every advertisement out there is focused on “fixing” or improving upon personal insecurities. When big business profits off of us not loving ourselves, it’s no wonder we’ve been made to believe that self love is selfish, or even worse abnormal!
To help you look at self love a bit differently, I’ve pulled together a list of 10 ways self love benefits everyone.
Is Self Love Selfish? 10 Ways Self Love Benefits Everyone + Free Mobile Wallpapers
#1 Healthy boundaries strengthen relationships
An important part of learning to love yourself, is also learning to speak up about what feels good to you and what doesn’t. It’s learning to say no, when you mean no and yes, when you mean yes. In the beginning setting boundaries is hard AF, especially when people are used to you doing things a certain way (e.g. always “caving” to their demands).
You may feel selfish and like a bad person for doing things differently, however, you’re actually helping others when you honor your personal boundaries. Here’s why: 1) by honoring your own boundaries, you give people indirect permission to do the same for themselves and 2) you’re empowering them to deal with their own stuff and find new solutions to their challenges instead of relying on you to “rescue” them.
#2 Less co-dependency, more empowerment
When you stop relying on others to give you the love only you can give yourself, your entire life changes. You don’t expect others to make you happy, and you recognize that it’s no one else’s responsibility but yours! At first, this is a little scary but then it’s freeing.
Friendships, romantic relationships, and even family dynamics improve when you’re no longer trying to “get” love and instead are simply happy to share the love you already have for yourself. It’s a beautiful thing for all involved, and it’s certainly not selfish.
#3 Everyone wins
Anyone who calls self-love selfish isn’t seeing the big picture. Imagine if every person in the world loved and accepted themselves, just the way they are. The world would be a beautiful place! There would be no prejudice, racism, narcissism, judgment, shame, suicide, violence, etc. because those things only come from a place of self-hate and fear.
When you love yourself more, everyone wins.
#4 Encourages open communication and honesty
When you love and accept yourself, there’s no need to lie or hide from the truth. You feel safe to be completely who you are, even if someone else no longer approves or likes you. In a sense, you’re totally free to express yourself without fear. Often the thing we are most afraid of is judgment and criticism from others, but when you love yourself no matter what that changes.
Imagine how relationships everywhere would improve if everything could be brought out into the open rather than hidden out of shame.
#5 Less resentment
People-pleasing and being the “nice” girl all the time does nothing but make you feel used up and resentful towards the people around you. Self-love doesn’t mean you stop caring for other people. Rather, it means you recognize that not being true to yourself or your needs isn’t being helpful at all.
No one wants to receive from you if in exchange they get unexpressed resentment and passive aggressive behavior. When you serve and help others from a place of self-love, it’s resentment free. You do it because you truly want to, not because you think you should. You feel worthy of love simply by being yourself. You know you’re enough already without having to do a single thing to earn it.
#6 Less stress and anxiety
When you don’t love and accept yourself, stress and anxiety levels increase. How could they not? You don’t feel like anything you do will ever be enough! This not only creates a problem for you, but also for your loved ones who constantly have to reassure you that you’re amazing and that yes, they still love you.
When you focus on self-love, your attention moves away from proving yourself and looking for approval to actually pursuing your desires, dreams, and the things that give your life meaning. When you are less stressed out and more blissful living a life you love, everyone wins in more ways than one.
#7 Increased health and wellbeing
You’ve probably heard the saying, “your health is your wealth,” and it’s true. I’ve had to learn this one the hard way as I’ve dealt with chronic illness the past few years.
I had to hit rock bottom with my health before I was willing to slow down and listen to my body’s needs. At one point I could barely leave the bed because my energy levels were so low. I was embarrassed that my then boyfriend (now fiancé) had to help me so much with everyday life things.
When you make your health and wellbeing a priority, your loved ones benefit too. They get to see you happy and healthy, rather than burnt out and in pain. Of course self-love doesn’t guarantee 100% perfect health, but it certainly helps you feel the best you possibly can.
#8 More to give and offer others
“You can’t pour from an empty cup.” The more you take care of and love yourself, the more you have to give and offer others. That’s the exact opposite of selfishness if you ask me! Now, I’m not saying you are obligated to give every bit of extra time and energy you have to others. What I am saying is that people who love themselves are more equipped to give than others simply because they have healthier boundaries and take better care of themselves.
Related post: 25 Self-Care Activities You Can Do in 5 Minutes or Less!
#9 Encourages growth and resilience
Self-love is not always rainbows and roses. It often requires you to make difficult choices, even if they are the right ones. It forces you to constantly re-assess the way you’re living your life so that you don’t lose sight of your big dreams. Self-love encourages you to grow and be a better version of yourself every single day. This makes you a stronger and more resilient human.
Whether you realize it or not, people are always watching and observing the way you do life. When they see you out there doing the hard things that are also the right things, you inspire them to do the same thing. That’s a huge deal!
Related post: 7 Questions to Ask Yourself Before You Set Goals
#10 Increased compassion and self-awareness
Last but not least, self-love makes you a more compassionate and self-aware human. When you learn to love and accept yourself unconditionally, you are then able to extend that love and compassion to everyone else in your life. You are able to see the big picture when shit gets real and be there for people instead of creating drama and making it about you. You become the highest version of yourself and everyone else benefits.
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As you can see, self love is beneficial to everyone not just you. Is self love selfish? What do you think? I hope this post has inspired you to start your own self love journey. If you need more support with that, I’d recommend checking out my book, You Woke Up Worthy: A 21-Day Self-Love Journey for Women with Big Dreams.